Mother’s Day. No holiday on the calendar seems to bring about as much ambivalence as this particular Sunday in May for the bereaved parent. While they are all difficult, there is something about this one that seems to send so many moms who have endured child loss into a tailspin.
What causes it exactly can be different for each individual, just as grief differs from person to person. The missing of the child would be enough on its own but there are also insidious, unexpected feelings of loss. Losing a child is a personal loss. It takes a lot of work to overcome the feeling that it was something, “done to you.” There is a constant grappling with the feeling of what was most precious to you was taken. Afterall, for a mother, a child for nine months was a part of you physically. We feel that forever. If a child is lost pre-birth or in infancy, there is mourning for what was never had. To lose an older child, brings with it sorrow for what you did have and the relationship and love you built over the years. Neither is enviable or the promise of motherhood.
The simple things are missed on this day as well. Cards and kisses, phone calls and lunches. They aren’t there for loss moms. The holiday goes on though and these things are witnessed and longed for while we miss our children.
This post however, I write to encourage and not to dwell on the loss, though it is significant. I believe that loss moms should be most revered on Mother’s Day. No one loves quite like they do.
For to love a child whom you cannot mother anymore physically is a love fiercer than any other. What they do on a daily basis takes superhuman strength.
You are always a mom, no matter where your child is. You will always be their mom, no matter their age or their current “residence” – be it physical or spiritual.
So, celebrate this Mother’s Day for the warrior of a mother that you are to your kids here and in spirit. They still love you too and are proud of how incredibly fierce you are.
